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Along with providing counselling and psychotherapy in Plymouth and online for adults, we at Personal and Relationship Counselling work frequently with teenagers. If you are a parent, or a teenager yourself, you will know that this age bracket – between 13 and 18 – encounters a unique series of challenges, such as exam stress, body dysmorphia, bullying, self-harm, gender and sexuality issues, and social anxiety.

When it comes to these aforementioned problems, there is an underlying factor that makes all of them worse: isolation. Being alone causes these issues to inflate and warp inside one’s head, and this is a particular problem with young people who are alone far more than their parent’s generation ever used to be, or even those in their twenties today. In this blog post, we will look at the two main reasons for loneliness among young people and how they have exacerbated mental health issues.

The Pandemic

While COVID-19 had far more serious implications for senior and vulnerable citizens, the effect of lockdown on teenagers was considerable and shouldn’t be ignored. Adolescence is a time for having adventures, making new friends, spending time with people outdoors. The pandemic and its enforced isolation meant that a generation of teenagers were unable to leave their rooms and meet friends for the best part of the year, which naturally led to some developing social anxiety and withdrawing into themselves.

In terms of the school environment, COVID-19 also had a deeply damaging effect. Not only is school a vital social hub where lifelong connections are made, that in-person teacher-student dynamic is so important for getting the most out of an education. Going from being in the classroom every day to doing everything online at home caused considerable stress, especially for those sitting exams. There is a whole age bracket – those who were 16 in 2020 – that did not sit GCSEs but have now had to face the stress of sitting A-Levels, with many understandably worried about handling an exam environment – which isn’t easy in the best of circumstances. Having to do everything at home, in front of a screen, without the company of friends or support of teachers, meant that loneliness became a considerable problem.

Social Media

Even before the pandemic, which dramatically increased our screen time, the overuse of social media was a major issue among teenagers. It is now the norm for young people to spend a major portion of their day in front of a screen of some kind – phones, TVs, tablets, or laptops. Some young people spend up to eight hours a day on their phones alone.

While there are benefits to connecting with others online, the main outcome is the extent to which it induces anxiety, low self-esteem, and a feeling of envy, or FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Platforms like Instagram cause children to constantly compare themselves to others and, in turn, feel inadequate in some way. This is particularly the case with teenage girls, who find themselves endlessly subjected to unrealistic standards of beauty through being exposed to so many ‘perfect’ profiles on social media and in popular culture. Cyberbullying has also been a problem for years – especially on Twitter, Facebook, and Snapchat.

Social media, in this sense, consigns young people to their own lonely bubble, making them more susceptible to more serious problems like anxiety and depression.

At Personal and Relationship Counselling, we give young people a space to receive the precise kind of counselling in Plymouth or online that they need – with a specialist they feel comfortable with. Get in touch to arrange your initial consultation.

There is a place in Looe Street whose people are a pleasure to meet. When you are emotionally depleted and utterly defeated; try to pluck up the courage, as they are wealthy in their knowledge, they are wise with words and you will be heard they refrain from opinion, you talk and they listen they are non-judgemental, they will be gentle you pause and they enquire, they will help you with your personal quagmire.

It is like a chat over a tea or a beer; but it doesn’t matter if you shed a tear there will always be a tissue, for whatever the issue. They will help you to value your life and restore belief, they are realistic and have the experience so, there will be no drama as they tend to your trauma. Take their counsel to ease your mind; you will not feel alone or left behind they have heard many things before but to them – your issue is unique and to no one else will they share or speak.

I share these thoughts and they are my own words.
In a few weeks’ time I will take my leave, but I would beckon you forward to take my place, as I wish for you also to have inner peace.

Annie Jenkin 2014

This is probably because it has become common in our society to avoid feeling upset – happiness has become the only acceptable emotion. We have lost sight of the normal emotional state of the human being, which can be as changeable as the British weather. When we lose someone close to us, we naturally feel upset, shocked, numb, sadness, guilt and blame, these are just some of the uncomfortable emotions that hit us out of the blue with an intensity that can overwhelm us.

Grief is not something that makes logical sense and our emotional reaction can sometimes be so overwhelming we think we are going mad, especially when the feelings collide and bounce around hitting different conflicting and confusing emotions.

See our diagram below to gain insight into the chaotic cycle of grief;

Grief is about loss of any kind
Grief is not only for losing a loved one, it can come with any change in our lives, usually negative ones like a relationship breakdown, job redundancy, being let down or some other disappointing experience, but also positive ones like child birth, a promotion or house move. This is because with every change there are gains and losses, it is the change that causes distressing emotions; to gain a child also means we lose some independence, with promotion we gain kudos and extra responsibility but we lose the familiarity of our old role, a new house at the cost of the old and familiar one. This duality is often ignored by us and those around us; the expectation, ‘you should be happy’, is not realistic – the loss cycle is.

Bereavement Counselling
Everyone has their own unique experience of loss and will deal with it at their own pace. By talking about our emotions and letting go of the feelings, bereavement counselling can help enormously to get us through this cycle more effectively, rather than trying to pretend that everything is alright so people around us feel better. At Personal & Relationship Counselling, we offer the opportunity to process your grief, so it doesn’t get buried only to bite you later in the guise of depression and or anxiety, which is often the outcome of unprocessed loss.

Talking to a therapist is a very personal and often vulnerable experience, so it is important to find a therapist who you connect with and most importantly, feel comfortable sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings.

If you are experiencing relationship issues, depression, anxiety, bereavement, addiction, or problems with gender, sexuality or identity, you might be considering reaching out for counselling and psychotherapy in Plymouth. However, we know that this can be a daunting process especially if you are doing it for the first time. At Personal and Relationship Counselling, we have an excellent, handpicked team of therapists who specialise in a range of different issues and approaches to therapy.

Here’s how the process works;

Initial Consultation
Visit our ‘Our Therapists’ page and scroll through the list of therapists to see if there is anyone you might like to work with. After choosing your preferred therapist, please book in via our online diary, or get in touch with us to set up a free initial 15-minute phone consultation.
This gives you a chance to learn more about how they work, and briefly discuss the issues you are facing to see how they may help you work through them.
This also enables both of you to get a good feel as to whether you will be a good fit and decide if you would like to book your first session.

Arrange Your First Session
If you are happy to proceed with the therapist you spoke with, they will set a weekly slot for sessions at a time that is convenient for you.
However, if you do not want to see that therapist, choose another, or you can let us know what you want, and we will assist you with finding the right counsellor or psychotherapist.
It is important to not just match your specific problem with the right specialist, but also someone who makes you feel at ease.

Ongoing Sessions and Support
Once you’ve agreed a time and date, your sessions will begin. You will come to our practice in Looe Street, close to the Barbican and City Centre in Plymouth, and meet with the therapist you have chosen.
They work autonomously with you, building a close therapeutic relationship based on trust and confidentiality, giving you the space to explore your emotions in your own way, in a safe, non-judgemental, warm & compassionate space.
You will then meet, usually on a weekly basis until you have resolved the issue that caused you to seek our support.

Are you thinking about seeking counselling and psychotherapy in Plymouth or online? If so, feel free to get in touch with us to ask any questions. 

Prospective clients looking at the Personal & Relationship Counselling website will notice that we offer both “Counselling” and “Psychotherapy”, and they might well wonder what exactly is the difference between the two. It’s a good question and as a therapist who has worked at Personal & Relationship Counselling for a long time, and has done both Counselling and Psychotherapy training, I think its one worth trying to answer. Furthermore, I think explaining the question could be a good way to begin to explore Counselling and Psychotherapy more generally.

In my view there is not a clear, obvious and definitive answer to the question, but I would suggest that historically “counselling” has been seen as a process more concerned with the present – with issues and problems thrown up by the demands of everyday world we live in. If you like, the world external to our own minds or psyches. For example, issues provoked by loss of various kinds; by sudden big changes in life; by work issues; by family issues; by illness, look at the impact of Covid on so many lives over the past 2 years. In short, the multiplying of matters that can make our lives more difficult, more challenging & where, therefore, counselling can provide help, solace and support, in dealing with these troubling issues. In this context, counselling may be viewed as being practical and perhaps time-limited.

In contrast I think that historically “psychotherapy” has been understood as a phenomenon more to do with exploring and understanding the internal world i.e., what is going on inside our own head or psyches. And, in focusing more on the “Self” trying to deal with the troubling issues that arise in life, its orientation was often seen as being more on the past, rather than just the present – on how our early life, childhood, may have influenced or shaped our characters, and the way we might deal with the world, sometimes perhaps in ways we have not really seen or understood. In this context, perhaps the process might be “deeper” or take more time.

But in a contempory sense, this kind of difference between the two has been challenged, sometimes to such an extent that the pre-eminent professional body, The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (B.A.C.P) now considers that the terms “counselling” and “psychotherapy” to be interchangeable, a sea change indeed (although some other bodies, for example The United Council for Psychotherapy (U.K.C.P) still see some differences, and can even describe composite notions, such as “psychotherapeutic counselling”).

This may first seem a bit confusing, but in reality, I do not think it is. Both my own experiences, first as a counsellor, then as a psychotherapist, and the huge amount of research and evidence available, confirm that both “counselling” and “psychotherapy” can and do provide the range of the therapeutic interventions implied by putting the historical sense of the two terms together. In other words, “counselling” and “psychotherapy” are both concerned with The Past and The Present, and the relationship between them. We can only live in the present, and most obviously people come to counselling or psychotherapy, to receive help and support in the present, that may facilitate themselves feeling better about themselves, and more resourced to deal with the future ahead of them. Equally it is very true that sometimes exploring childhood and what has happened in the past can facilitate a better understanding of self, and perhaps the reasons why certain unhappy situations seem to occur regularly in life.

In that sense, both counselling and psychotherapy are concerned with the relationship between The Past and The Present and, similarly, the relationship between what I suggested as being the internal world (what is happening inside our minds) and the external world (what is happening in the world we live in). This leads me to suggest that there is a lovely symmetry dissemble here, because in essence counselling and psychotherapy are centred upon the construction of a relationship, between therapist and client, and the overwhelming weight of research evidence available points to the fact that the relationship between client and therapist is the crucial factor in making counselling / psychotherapy effective and helpful. The techniques and approaches, and models of therapy are important, but essentially, it is the relationship that is the critical source of healing.

This is certainly in line with my own experience, and that of my most trusted and valued colleagues over many years.

– relationship, relationship, relationship! –
The relationship between the Past and the Present
The relationship between the Internal and the External Worlds
The relationship between the Therapist and the Client

So, in exploring counselling & psychotherapy more generally, as I hope to do, it is essential to explore the nature of these relationships, the forms they might take, and how they can facilitate the solving of life problems, and the growth and development of the individual.

Les Parsons, March 2022

At Personal and Relationship Counselling, we offer couples counselling and psychotherapy from our private practice in Plymouth, along with giving clients the option of receiving sessions online. In our post-pandemic world, it is important that clients have a choice about whether they have online or in-person counselling. As a result, you may be wondering which type of session is most suitable for you. This blog post walks you through the different advantages of the two.

Online Counselling
If you are seeking counselling or psychotherapy for the first time, it is normal to feel slightly anxious, in which case it may be preferable to start off by receiving sessions online. Working with one of our therapists from the comfort of your own home allows you to feel more at ease and speak freely about the problems you are facing. It gives you that extra layer of privacy, along with saving you from travel expenses and the anxiety of visiting a new place.

Another important benefit of online counselling is flexibility, which is particularly useful when work/life commitments can make this hard to do on an in-person basis every week. Online counselling is no less meaningful and helpful than meeting face-to-face. The impact of the therapy, in whatever medium, depends on your commitment. More generally, online counselling is the best option for those with a busy schedule. It guarantees that you don’t unnecessarily miss sessions with your counsellor.

Face-to-Face Counselling
While many may feel less anxious receiving counselling online, others will see face-to-face counselling as the only viable way to make true progress with their therapist. Building that in-person rapport with your counsellor in Plymouth may be what you need to properly open up about your feelings. Seeing their body language and feeling their vocal tone is often a necessary aspect of feeling comfortable enough to effectively communicate how you feel.

Furthermore, if you don’t have a peaceful home life, coming to our private practice in Plymouth could provide the safe and dependable space you need. For some people, a counsellor’s therapy room may feel like the only safe place they know. Visiting the same place every week, at the same time, can act as a crucial psychological anchor that lays the template for recovery. This is often the case for young people, or people receiving help with PTSD and other trauma-related issues.

If you are experiencing anxiety, depression, relationship issues, young people issues, or any other issue that you need help with, feel free to get in touch with us to ask any further questions you might have about face to face, online counselling and psychotherapy.

We have been working with children and young people for many years, offering a safe place in which to explore the complex issues and emotional reactions to situations they find themselves in. Tracy Ede is our specialist who has worked with children and young people for over 25 years. Tracy joined Personal & Relationship Counselling six years ago and is a valued member of our team.

Young people are exploring the world and finding their place in it. They are forming identity, managing relationships and building resilience to the new situations they find themselves in. When things become difficult for someone young, it can feel like the world is collapsing around them. Not having the experience or the patience to trust in their ability to weather the storm, can lead to reactions that feel very frightening for themselves and their families.

The impact of the Covid regulations within education shouldn’t be underestimated. We have seen many young people who are struggling as a result of the isolation they have felt over the last few years. Social and physical activity help to form what we think about ourselves and differentiate us from others. It helps us to form bonds with ourselves, those around us and our environment. The opportunity for this has been missing over the last few years.

Young people can find themselves struggling with similar things to adults. What they are often lacking is the ability and experience to navigate their way to help and support, the insight to recognise it’s needed and the confidence to ask for it.

The following are some of the issues that young people and their families are often trying to make sense of;

Stress and Anxiety
At a time when life is changing quickly and there is pressure on young people to perform academically, stress and anxiety is commonly felt. Worry and anxiety displays in many ways: phobias, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and social anxiety can be debilitating. Young people are often over conscious about how they look and how they are perceived by others. They often lack the confidence, emotional intelligence and self-esteem to be able to make sense of how they feel.

Family Problems
Family life can be turbulent, transitions and change are difficult for us all but especially for our children who can often feel powerless dealing with confusing emotions. This can lead to a withdrawal from loved ones as commonly they don’t want to add to the problems and their behaviour and demeanour can change. Parents understandably become very concerned and can also feel powerless. It is very important to parents that their children are ok and when they aren’t, all sorts of feelings and emotions start to surface, further adding to the tensions already felt.

Low Self-Esteem
As young people go through school, it is common for many to come up against problems within their relationships. School environments can facilitate an unhealthy comparison to others. This can lead many to believe they aren’t good enough and unable to express themselves in ways that support self-belief. A sense of low self-esteem can develop which can be further reinforced by social media. Young people often have experience of bullying and a feeling of isolation which can have a devastating impact on them, their families and their development.

Eating Disorders/Body Dysphoria
Eating disorders such as bulimia nervosa, anorexia nervosa, and body dysmorphia can surface as a coping mechanism against painful overwhelming emotions. They can be extremely worrying and sometimes life threatening. When they surface in our loved ones, the means to nurture through the offering of food is rejected. This is upsetting for all involved with the welfare of a young person. Disordered eating affects males and females but is most often reported in young girls.

Depression
Depression is the most common mental health disorder among young people, with research claiming that between eight and ten percent of teenagers experience symptoms at some point during their adolescence. When we feel low, we tend to withdraw from others and find it difficult to engage in social activity. Thoughts will focus on the negative and it can be difficult to feel that there is anything of value in ourselves and our lives. It is very worrying for families when a child loses an ability to feel joy and withdraws.

If you are a young person, parent or carer whose child is experiencing difficulty, please get in touch with us to arrange a free, no-obligation 15-minute phone consultation.

If you are struggling in your relationship with a partner or spouse, it could be down to a number of different reasons. Resentment and disillusionment build up over time, causing a bridge to form between the two of you. By seeing a couple’s counsellor in Plymouth or online, you can get to the bottom of what’s troubling your relationship and move to a better place. This blog post walks you through five areas that we often explore when working with couples.

Communication
Communication is the backbone to any successful relationship, and failure to communicate properly leads to resentment and frustration. Examples of poor communication include yelling at each other, making nasty comments, not expressing how one truly feels, or not talking enough throughout the day. Over time, this causes isolation and loneliness, and both parties stop caring about each other in the same way, leading to a breakdown of a relationship.

Major Life Events
There are many events in life that change the nature of a relationship, causing couples to grow apart. Bereavements, for example, are often too painful and, as a result, lead to a disconnection between two people. Another common occurrence is children leaving home, or perhaps moving to a new location, which produces a new dynamic that many couples struggle to deal with. You can work through this by seeing a couple’s counsellor in Plymouth or online, but it is a process that takes time.

Lack of Commitment
Sometimes, one member of a relationship – or both – stops giving the required energy and time to their partner. They simply lose the motivation to maintain a healthy bond, and instead focus on other aspects of life that they deem more important, such as work or a particular hobby. It could be that one partner is moving through life at a different speed, which causes a relational divergence. The partner who is moving faster may no longer feel the need to put effort into the relationship and ultimately move on.

Infidelity
A lack of intimacy and connection, along with underlying anger and resentment, often leads to partners having an affair. When a relationship is struggling, people commonly refuse to stay with the difficult feelings and deal with them, and instead seek satisfaction from the outside in the form of cheating. It is extremely difficult to regain that sense of trust once this kind of betrayal has occurred, which is why between 20 and 40% of divorces are caused by affairs.

Finance Issues
Once a couple gets married or moves in together, finances can become a tricky sticking point. It could be that undiscussed debt causes a large rift between the two of you. Perhaps you have different spending habits and financial goals. One partner may earn considerably more than the other, leading to an unhealthy power dynamic. Money impacts every corner of life; if couples aren’t on the same page when it comes to this area, problems are likely to ensue.

If you are experiencing any of the above issues in your relationship, or another problem that is causing your relationship to break down, we offer bespoke couples counselling in Plymouth that gives you a safe place to talk through difficult issues and reconnect with your partner. Feel free to get in touch to ask any questions.