This is probably because it has become common in our society to avoid feeling upset – happiness has become the only acceptable emotion. We have lost sight of the normal emotional state of the human being, which can be as changeable as the British weather. When we lose someone close to us, we naturally feel upset, shocked, numb, sadness, guilt and blame, these are just some of the uncomfortable emotions that hit us out of the blue with an intensity that can overwhelm us.
Grief is not something that makes logical sense and our emotional reaction can sometimes be so overwhelming we think we are going mad, especially when the feelings collide and bounce around hitting different conflicting and confusing emotions.
See our diagram below to gain insight into the chaotic cycle of grief;
Grief is about loss of any kind
Grief is not only for losing a loved one, it can come with any change in our lives, usually negative ones like a relationship breakdown, job redundancy, being let down or some other disappointing experience, but also positive ones like child birth, a promotion or house move. This is because with every change there are gains and losses, it is the change that causes distressing emotions; to gain a child also means we lose some independence, with promotion we gain kudos and extra responsibility but we lose the familiarity of our old role, a new house at the cost of the old and familiar one. This duality is often ignored by us and those around us; the expectation, ‘you should be happy’, is not realistic – the loss cycle is.
Bereavement Counselling
Everyone has their own unique experience of loss and will deal with it at their own pace. By talking about our emotions and letting go of the feelings, bereavement counselling can help enormously to get us through this cycle more effectively, rather than trying to pretend that everything is alright so people around us feel better. At Personal & Relationship Counselling, we offer the opportunity to process your grief, so it doesn’t get buried only to bite you later in the guise of depression and or anxiety, which is often the outcome of unprocessed loss.