Category: Uncategorized

There are so many counsellors offering a vast range of different therapies and approaches that it’s hard to know how to make the right choice, but it is so important that we do.

Finding the right counsellor, one who you can connect and feel safe with is important. Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and growth, but only if you have a competent and trustworthy professional by your side. It can be difficult when we are feeling vulnerable and in need of help, to be confident enough to choose someone.

At Personal and Relationship Counselling (PRC) in Plymouth we offer a free 15-minute telephone consultation prior to booking a first appointment. Recommendations are good, but if you don’t have one, a telephone conversation can help and don’t be afraid to say ‘no thank you’, a good counsellor will be understanding – read about our counsellors on ‘Our Therapists’ page.

You can be assured that each counsellor has been handpicked, chosen for their competency and professionalism, empathy and compassion. We’ve checked their qualifications and experience, making sure that all are on the BACP Register of Counsellors and Psychotherapists or an equivalent professional body.

We offer a range of approaches and techniques to suit individual needs and find the fit that’s right for you. If we can’t meet your requirements, we will make recommendations of other trusted local Plymouth counsellors.

Here are some skills, traits and professional behaviours to look out for in your counsellor.

Good Counselling Skills:

• Actively listening:  A good therapist will pay close attention to what you’re saying and ask clarifying questions. If you feel misunderstood or unheard – that’s a problem.
• Focused attention: Does your therapist seem bored, tired, preoccupied or disengaged. If so, you’re not getting the focused attention you deserve.
• Addressing Your Specific Concerns: Therapists should and be able to hear your issues and understand the impact they have on you, and tailor appropriate responses to meet your needs. If they seem stuck in one method or aren’t able to manage with your issue – you may need to find a better fit.
• Non-judgemental:  Therapy needs to be a safe space to explore difficult emotions. If you feel judged or ashamed this isn’t going to help you – indicating it isn’t a good fit.
• Working together: Therapy should be a collaborative process with your counsellor helping you to explore deeper and stay with the difficult feelings – rather than handing out simplistic, generic advice and platitudes.
• Making progress: While you might experience some emotional discomfort processing difficult topics, you should generally feel some sense of healing and hope moving forward.

Maintaining Professional & Ethical standards:

• Keeping to Appointment Times/Scheduling:  Having a regular time for your counselling is helpful. Frequent cancelling or rescheduling of appointments by your therapist shows a lack of respect for your time and can disrupt your progress in therapy.
• Relevant Advice: Remember that therapists should stay within their area of expertise. If yours is giving medical, legal or financial advice – that’s not OK.
• Confidentiality: Counsellors are required to keep your information private, with some exceptions. If you feel your therapist might be gossiping about you or sharing details inappropriately, that’s a concern.
• Respecting Your Boundaries: If your counsellor shares too much personal information about themselves, pressures you to socialise outside of sessions, asks you for gifts or personal favours or makes unwanted physical contact – that’s a red flag.

Trust your instincts: Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe with your therapist, it’s important to find someone else, someone you can connect with.  If you do notice any of the red flags and warning signs it’s time to look for a new therapist.

If you have any concerns, please feel free to contact us Plymouth Counselling (PRC).

Are you a member of the armed forces, emergency services, NHS nurse or doctor, HM prison service feeling the weight of stress? You’re not alone. Plymouth is home to many heroes who dedicate themselves to keeping us safe and healthy. But even the strongest of us need support sometimes.

At PRC counselling practice on the Barbican in Plymouth, we specialise in providing confidential counselling and psychotherapy services tailored to the unique needs of service personnel and healthcare professionals. We understand the challenges you face, from the pressures of deployment to the emotional toll of daily emergencies.

Our experienced accredited therapists can help you with a variety of issues, including:

• Stress and anxiety
• PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Depression
• Relationship problems
• Work-life balance
• Moral injury

We offer a safe and supportive space for you to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. We believe that everyone deserves to feel well, and we’re here to help support you in addressing your emotional wellbeing.

Here’s what sets us apart:

• We understand your world. Our therapists have experience working with service personnel and healthcare professionals, and they are familiar with the specific challenges you face, both Steve and Nigel served in the armed forces.
• We offer flexible appointments. We know that your schedule can be demanding, so we offer appointments at your convenience.
• We are confidential. Everything you discuss in therapy will be kept confidential, except in limited circumstances where the law requires us to disclose information.

Don’t wait until you’re struggling to cope. Take the first step towards feeling better today with help from a counsellor or therapist at Plymouth Counselling.

Contact us for a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your needs.

We’ve found the following books on mental health to be useful and want to share them with you.  Mental health has many facets and choosing a book is subjective, it depends on individual needs and preferences. However, considering the main counselling issues brought to us here at PRC in Plymouth, we regard the following books on the topic the most informative.

For understanding trauma and its effects:

• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk: This book explores the physical and psychological effects of trauma and offers evidence-based methods for healing.
• What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey: This book explores the impact of childhood trauma on mental and physical health and offers insights on building resilience and healing.

For managing anxiety and stress:

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb: This memoir by a therapist explores the experiences of both the therapist and the client, offering insights into therapy and mental health challenges.
• The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne: This practical guide provides self-help strategies for managing anxiety and phobias, including relaxation techniques, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and exposure therapy.

For self-compassion and self-acceptance:

• The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams and John Teasdale: This book teaches mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) techniques for preventing and managing depression.
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown: This book explores the importance of vulnerability, self-compassion, and authenticity in mental and emotional well-being.

For navigating relationships and boundaries:

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep– Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller: This book explores attachment styles and their impact on romantic relationships.
• Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab: This book teaches readers how to set healthy boundaries in their personal and professional lives.

For memoirs and personal stories:

• The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon: This Pulitzer Prize-winning book explores the history, science, and personal experience of depression.
• Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman: This heart-warming novel tells the story of a socially awkward woman who learns to connect with others.

If you are concerned about your own mental health, it is important to reach out to a qualified mental health professional. Here at PRC counselling in Plymouth we can offer a range of therapists who you can book an appointment with, or have an initial 15-minute chat, just to find out whether we can help you or guide you.

Here are some additional resources that you may find helpful:

• The National Health Service (NHS) has a website with information about mental health – NHS UK
• Mind is a mental health charity that provides information and support – Mind
• The Samaritans is a charity that provides emotional support to anyone in distress – Samaritans

If you’re a Plymouth resident facing choppy waters in your relationship, here are some tips to help you navigate the storm and find calmer waters:

Charting the Course:

1. Identify Your Triggers: Understanding your own and your partner’s triggers helps avoid unnecessary storms. Often, we pre-empt our partner, thinking we know what they’re going to say. This blocks them from expressing what they really feel and think, which prevents any resolution to an argument or discussion.
2. Calm Communication: If things get heated, avoid becoming accusatory. “You” statements can lead to defensive reactions. Instead, use “I” statements that focus on your feelings. Active listening, without interrupting, shows respect and fosters understanding, helping reduce negativity towards one another.
3. Seek Common Ground: Remember, you’re a team, not rivals. Focus on finding shared goals and solutions instead of individual victories.

Weathering the Storm:

1. Take a Time Out: If emotions start running high, agree to a cooling-off period before resuming the conversation. Take a walk, practice relaxation techniques, or engage in separate activities.
2. Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Attacking your partner’s character is counterproductive. Stay focused on the specific issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances.
3. Compromise is Key: Be willing to meet halfway. It’s not about winning or losing but finding a solution that works for both of you.

Reaching Safe Harbour:

1. Express Appreciation: Even after conflict, acknowledge your partner’s positive qualities and express your appreciation for them.
2. Celebrate Reconciliation: When you successfully navigate a conflict, take a moment to celebrate your teamwork and strengthened bond.
3. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to navigate conflict on your own, consider seeking professional guidance from a counsellor or therapist at Plymouth Counselling.

Remember that conflicts are normal in relationships; it’s how we handle them that matters most! 😊

If you have a child who is exploring their gender and sexuality, you, as a parent, play a pivotal role in helping them make sense of who they are and how they feel so they can find their own answers. You may feel ill equipped to support your child, but there are a few ways to help you feel adequately informed to support them through this difficult time.

Create a positive, non-judgemental and accepting space

Family acceptance of LGBTQIA+ young people can decrease the risk of suicide, depression, self-harm and substance abuse. When your child is exploring their gender identity, it is a big step for them. They may feel fear and anxiety about their own place in the world, and they may also be worried about your reaction. If they are to explore their feelings in a positive and healthy way, they need you to believe them and to accept them for who they are.

Being open to discussing their feelings in an open and honest way will help them feel accepted and validated. Show your child that you, as a family are accepting of all gender identities and sexual orientations. This could be using the correct pronouns, discussing issues that arise in the media or on TV in a non-judgemental way, or talking openly about non-conforming or non-straight family or friends you may have. This way, your child will also feel confident coming to you to discuss feelings about their own journey and that the family home is a safe and accepting space to talk.

Educate yourself

Educating yourself on all aspects of gender and sexuality will help you feel equipped to discuss your child’s identity confidently. Learn about different identities and sexualities, and the issues that they face so you can support your child and make them feel accepted. Even the language that you use can help a child feel supported and valued, so learn the correct terminology, the right pronouns to use and encourage the whole family to do so. Again, this will help your child feel accepted, valued and make them more likely to discuss their feelings with you.

Go at their pace

Your child needs your support and acceptance. You can’t change their mind, but you can help them find their way through this difficult time.

Go at your child’s pace and be led by them. Don’t force them to commit or make a decision they may regret later on. Be available to listen to them and talk anything through. They may be uncertain about who they are and not want to make any decision just yet. As a parent or carer, you should be respectful, and remember that it is their journey, so don’t impose your need for clarity on them, as they may not be sure yet.

Most marriages go through problems at some point, it is perfectly natural. And these problems can, over time, make sustaining the relationship difficult. Some people prefer to try to work through their problems alone, but with almost 10% of all marriages ending in divorce (ONS, 2021), more couples are turning to marriage counselling as a way to work through their differences and repair their relationship. Counselling charity Relate has reported a 30% increase in couples engaging in couples counselling in their 20s and 30s since 2014 in the UK.

What is marriage counselling?

Marriage counselling is a form of therapy in which couples work with a professional to help them through an issue that is affecting their relationship. It is meant to provide couples with the tools to communicate better, to resolves conflict and to reconnect. It is effective if both partners attend the counselling sessions, working together to reconnect, repair and renew their relationship.

Through couples counselling, both partners are given the time and space to speak freely and objectively about the difficulties they are facing. It is not designed to assign blame, or prove one person right. It is there to help couples communicate with compassion and empathy, and with less fear, so they can work through their problems together. Many counsellors see the relationship as the client, with each person having their part to play in repairing it.

Counselling can help you change the patterns of interaction, improve emotional connection and intimacy, and develop healthy lines of communication, so work can continue long after the therapeutic journey has ended.

Who does it work for?

You don’t necessarily need to be at a crisis point, or on the brink of divorce to turn to a professional for help. Couples counselling is also a great way to maintain your relationship so that both you, your partner and your relationship can flourish and thrive.

Younger couples may benefit from counselling as it can help you establish healthy lines of communication from the beginning of your life together. This can provide a solid foundation upon which to build your relationship, enabling you to work through any problems that may arise in future, together.

If you and your partner feel that you could be better, that you want to improve as a partner, then counselling can help you work on your issues and make positive changes that you will both benefit from in the long run.

If you feel that there is a problem in your relationship, no matter how small, early intervention can prevent an issue growing into something insurmountable. Couples who engage with counselling early, give their relationship a much better chance of success.

You should consider couples counselling for a wide range of issues that may be affecting your relationship. If either of you have feelings of anger or resentment. If any problem often results in an argument. If you feel indifferent to your partner, or that you have nothing in common. You may feel that your partner is preventing you from fulfilling your potential. You may feel unsupported, unloved or unappreciated. Or you there may be infidelity, addiction or abuse in your relationship.

Whatever issue your relationship is facing, couples counselling can provide you with the space, the understanding and the tools to work together so that your relationship is strong, healthy and prepared for any future challenges that may arise.

If you feel like your relationship is struggling, please get in touch if you would like to know more about how our counsellors at Personal & Relationship Counselling in Plymouth can help. Please give us a call or email and we’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.  

As human beings we are social creatures, from the moment we are born and throughout our lives, we need others and the quality of our relationships with others is vital to our sense of well-being. As adults we hope and expect our relationships to be loving and harmonious, providing the warmth and security that allows us to deal with the pressures and demands of life, and to feel valued and appreciated.

And yet, most of us know from our own lives or from those of our close friends and families, that quite often relationships break down, or that one or both partners are living not in harmony but in states of unhappiness, frustration and insecurity. Television and newspapers constantly remind us that the pressures and stresses of modern life lead to increased breakdown of marriages and partnership relationships, often with much consequent misery for individuals, their families, children and friends.

In other words, we may find in our own lives or of those we are close to, a big gap between what we hope for in relationship and what we are actually experiencing. And perhaps if we look at it, this is not really surprising – after all, a relationship is ultimately about two people seeking to live together, and each person will bring their very different life experiences to the relationship. They may have grown up in very different families, with different norms and values and expectations. Equally, we are all bound to have experienced losses and painful events in our lives, which we will bring to our relationships. At the beginning of our relationship these differences may seem small and irrelevant, compared to our loving feelings. But they may grow in time, especially in the context of the pressures in our lives from work, children, families and friends.

If they begin to grow, we may find our experience of our relationship changing – misunderstandings occur more often and good honest communication seems to shrivel in comparison. We begin to feel that our partner does not really understand us – yet they are saying the same thing! We are increasingly frustrated by their irritating habits and arguments occur more often; they never seem to be completely sorted out. Sometimes they seem to be about small matters, sometimes about the things that are most important to us – how we are with our children and families, how we express our love and our sexuality.

For some the crisis is temporary, but for others communication really seems to become increasingly difficult, eroding all the feelings of love, warmth and security. Where this is happening, it may feel as though hope for resolution is fading and this can be where relationship counselling may offer vital help. Just as in individual counselling and psychotherapy, it can provide a safe and secure place where both partners are treated with care and respect by a counsellor who is separate from the relationship and the complex world in which exists. Therefore, able to be objective and neutral and creating the conditions whereby painful areas can be shared and explored rather than ignored or simply blamed on the other.

The confidentiality and security provided through relationship counselling can help to re-establish genuine communication, promoting understanding and realisation that with honesty and commitment wounds in relationships can heal.

Gaslighting is a term that has come to prominence in the last few years to describe behaviour in a toxic relationship. But what exactly is gaslighting, how can you spot it and how does it affect people?

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of psychological abuse where one person or a group of people manipulate someone to question their own sanity, their memories or their perception of reality. It actually derives from a play and film, Gaslight, in which a husband convinces his wife that she has a mental illness. It can be carried out by more than one person, but it usually takes place within a relationship and can cause real distress and anxiety.

Signs of gaslighting?

There are many different ways that someone can ‘gaslight’ another person. Here are some things you should look out for if you are suspicious of gaslighting.

Countering – this is where your memory may be questioned. They may say things like, ‘That’s not what happened’, or ‘Have you forgotten how it really happened?’

Withholding – this is when a person pretends, they don’t understand what you are saying, in order to make you doubt yourself. ‘I don’t get what you are saying’, or ‘You’re not making sense’.

Trivializing – your reaction to a situation may be trivialised by another person and you may be accused of over-reacting or being too sensitive.

Denial – if the other person refuses to accept responsibility for their actions, blaming someone else or forgetting something happened, this is ‘denial’.

Diverting – this is when someone changes the subject or questions your thinking to make you think that it isn’t important or you have got the situation wrong.

Effects of gaslighting?

When you are the victim of gaslighting it can leave you feeling very insecure in your relationship. You may feel alone and powerless, convinced that you are the ‘crazy’ or ‘unstable’ one, when in reality it is the other person.

It will make you question everything. Your sanity, your memories and your ability to think rationally. You will also question the other person in the relationship – do you really know them? You will doubt yourself and your feelings, convinced that it is you that over-reacts and is too sensitive. If gaslighting happens over a long period of time, it can make you believe what the other person is saying and seriously doubt your own sanity.

Gaslighting enables the other person to exert their power and control over you, leaving you feeling lacking in confidence and deeply unhappy. Your self-esteem will be affected and you may also suffer with anxiety, treading on eggshells around the other person, never knowing what to say or think.

However, you look at it, gaslighting is a powerful and destructive form of manipulation that has no place in a healthy and balanced relationship. If you feel like you are being subjected to gaslighting, please get in touch if you would like to know more about how our counsellors at Personal & Relationship Counselling in Plymouth can help. Please give us a call or email and we’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.  

For many years, our therapists have provided counselling for people struggling to overcome an addiction of some kind. Dependency on a particular behaviour or substance can co-exist alongside other issues such as depression, anxiety and low self – esteem (amongst others).

Many people will have tried to treat their addiction by managing the behaviour itself- the focus being ‘stopping’ or abstaining in some way. This can be effective for some, though exploring the reasons behind why that person has become addicted in the first place can give greater understanding for more helpful outcomes.

To use the definition employed by renowned physician and addiction specialist Gabor Mate, addiction is a “complex process that is manifested in any behaviour that a person craves, finds temporary pleasure or relief in, and therefore craves, but cannot give up despite its negative consequences”. This does not necessarily relate exclusively to alcohol or other substances; we can be addicted to any behaviour, such as shopping, sex, gambling, work, eating, and so on.

Addictions are often an extremely common response to stress and/or trauma when we may not have adequate stress regulation skills available to us. It is an attempt to regulate a painful inner state of some kind; so, when someone experiences stress, anxiety or other heightened challenging feelings over a prolonged period of time, they may resort to using things that will provide (temporary) relief. Whether that might be substances such as alcohol, drugs or food or other unhelpful responses.

Where does addiction come from?

We all hold our emotions, including emotional pain – in our bodies – much of which can be attributed to neglect, abuse and trauma during our early years. If we aren’t equipped to manage these intense feelings, we may shut down from them or disconnect. This process may continue into adulthood where we might find relief from the pain through using substances or behaviours, thus helping us avoid the feelings. Being in this continuous cycle can lead us into addiction.

The greater the pain, the greater the need to escape. Addiction, in this sense, is never the primary problem, it is instead an attempt to mask a problem.

If you would like to know more about how our counsellors in Plymouth can help with your addiction, please give us a call or email and we’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.  

Some may recognise the title as a part quote of Robert De Niro in the Martin Scorsese 1976 cult status movie ‘Taxi Driver’. De Niro has an exchange with himself in a mirror where he acts out being a tough guy with his reflection. Just like De Niro our thoughts help us to predict and plan our responses to given situations, but sometimes what we tell ourselves is not only unkind but untrue. Negative self talk most often creeps up on us over time. We may not even realise the extent to which we are putting ourselves​ down.

If you want to change how you feel then a good place to start is by paying attention to what you say to yourself. Sometimes the lies you tell may be wrapped in a disguise of humour, you may say them in your head or out loud but however they are presented your unconscious self is hearing and believing. When we are told something enough we start to believe it.

Start to listen to the things that you say to and about yourself, see if there are words or phrases that keep repeating themselves that you are hearing. Notice where you are, are you alone? How do you feel about what you have just told yourself? Is it true? No? Acknowledge what you have said, challenge and dispute the lies you have told yourself perhaps for many years and start to replace them with the truth.

Start to change what you say in order to change how you feel.

Tracy Ede