We’re based locally in Looe Street, Plymouth, where you can chat to us in person, when you feel the time is right for you.
Personal & Relationship Counselling Plymouth
Plymouth’s surroundings (from the coast to Dartmoor) are perfect for this kind of breathing space.
Personal & Relationship Counselling Plymouth
Effective communication is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship — but it’s often one of the first things to break down when couples feel disconnected. At our Plymouth-based counselling practice, we help couples across Devon and Cornwall navigate communication issues with empathy and clarity.
Improving communication in a relationship is a journey — and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to deepen your connection, we’re here to help.
Attachment theory helps us to understand our partner’s behaviour better and explains how early life interactions can shape our current relationships. The emotional bonds we form as children can have significant impact upon how we relate to each other, especially in our romantic relationships.
Attachment theory suggests we develop attachment styles – the emotional bonds formed between a child and its parents/caregivers – which will be replayed later in life, in our intimate relationships.
There are predominantly three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.
Secure attachment: If we are lucky enough to have formed secure attachments in childhood, then we are likely to be confident in building trusting relationships, feel lovable and are more able to offer and receive love and compassion.
Anxious attachments: a sense of unpredictability during our childhood can leave us craving closeness and reassurance, often leading to difficulties in relationships. The fear of being left alone, or being criticised, can mean we become preoccupied with our partners whereabouts and feel the need to please them, so they don’t leave us.
Avoidant attachment: neglectful or preoccupied parents can often leave us with a sense of not being important to others. We can respond by dismissing our needs and putting others first, denying our relational needs and putting a focus on self-reliance. We fear being vulnerable and relying upon anyone else.
If you have a secure attachment style, you are more comfortable with intimacy and can establish close stable relationships. If you’ve had an anxious attachment in childhood, you’re more likely to be clingy, jealous and possibly controlling. Avoidant individuals aren’t comfortable with being emotionally close, they don’t like sharing their thoughts or feelings and find it difficult to rely on anyone.
I hope you find this helpful, and as you can see, being aware of these traits can be useful when considering why we might be struggling in our relationships.
The counsellors at Personal and Relationship Counselling in Plymouth have a professional understanding of Attachment Theory and how helpful it is in resolving relationship difficulties.
If you would like to contact us to make an appointment, we have an online diary so you can find a convenient time to book an appointment, you can also read about our therapists on the website, so you can choose someone that you feel will be the most helpful.
Nigel Summerton
In this book, “The Myth of Normal”, Gabor Maté suggests that there are often “hidden stories” behind our difficulty or inability to say no. And he suggests that they come from ” limiting core beliefs about ourselves”, what transactional analysts call “Scripts” we learn in childhood, and live out afterwards. He suggests that the following are examples of familiar stories;
Maybe we forget that they are only stories – we think and act as if they’re true!!!
Les Parsons, July 2024.
The Fight-or-Flight Response: How Our Brain Reacts to Threats
The brain is a complex organ that regulates many aspects of our physical and psychological well-being. It constantly processes information from our senses and the environment, and responds accordingly. However, when the brain perceives something as a potential threat, it activates a system that prepares us to stay and deal with the danger or run away to safety.
The Ancient Survival Mechanism
The term fight-or-flight comes from our ancient ancestors when they were faced with danger and had to choose; either fight or flee.
The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to the physiological reaction that occurs when we encounter something mentally or physically terrifying. Imagine facing a wild animal or an imminent danger – your body gears up for action.
Three Stages of Fight-or-Flight:
You are probably already aware of the phrase Fight-or-Flight but there are 3 other survival reactions when we feel threatened, Freeze, Flop and Friend which make up our defensive fear responses – also known as the five F’s.
When faced with danger each of the five F’s has its own hope for a possible outcome, that is to stay alive and depending on the nature of the situation, each of these defences reduce our being a threat to our attacker.
Our active defences are to;
Our passive defences are to;
In the modern world, that same mechanism can sometimes be triggered by everyday stressors or imagined threats. But understanding its origins can empower us to manage it more effectively. So, next time fear creeps in, take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and remember that your brain is doing its ancient job!