
Communication and Reconnection


Effective communication is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship — but it’s often one of the first things to break down when couples feel disconnected. At our Plymouth-based counselling practice, we help couples across Devon and Cornwall navigate communication issues with empathy and clarity.
Improving communication in a relationship is a journey — and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to deepen your connection, we’re here to help.
Attachment theory helps us to understand our partner’s behaviour better and explains how early life interactions can shape our current relationships. The emotional bonds we form as children can have significant impact upon how we relate to each other, especially in our romantic relationships.
Attachment theory suggests we develop attachment styles – the emotional bonds formed between a child and its parents/caregivers – which will be replayed later in life, in our intimate relationships.
There are predominantly three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.
Secure attachment: If we are lucky enough to have formed secure attachments in childhood, then we are likely to be confident in building trusting relationships, feel lovable and are more able to offer and receive love and compassion.
Anxious attachments: a sense of unpredictability during our childhood can leave us craving closeness and reassurance, often leading to difficulties in relationships. The fear of being left alone, or being criticised, can mean we become preoccupied with our partners whereabouts and feel the need to please them, so they don’t leave us.
Avoidant attachment: neglectful or preoccupied parents can often leave us with a sense of not being important to others. We can respond by dismissing our needs and putting others first, denying our relational needs and putting a focus on self-reliance. We fear being vulnerable and relying upon anyone else.
If you have a secure attachment style, you are more comfortable with intimacy and can establish close stable relationships. If you’ve had an anxious attachment in childhood, you’re more likely to be clingy, jealous and possibly controlling. Avoidant individuals aren’t comfortable with being emotionally close, they don’t like sharing their thoughts or feelings and find it difficult to rely on anyone.
I hope you find this helpful, and as you can see, being aware of these traits can be useful when considering why we might be struggling in our relationships.
The counsellors at Personal and Relationship Counselling in Plymouth have a professional understanding of Attachment Theory and how helpful it is in resolving relationship difficulties.
If you would like to contact us to make an appointment, we have an online diary so you can find a convenient time to book an appointment, you can also read about our therapists on the website, so you can choose someone that you feel will be the most helpful.
Nigel Summerton
In this book, “The Myth of Normal”, Gabor Maté suggests that there are often “hidden stories” behind our difficulty or inability to say no. And he suggests that they come from ” limiting core beliefs about ourselves”, what transactional analysts call “Scripts” we learn in childhood, and live out afterwards. He suggests that the following are examples of familiar stories;
Maybe we forget that they are only stories – we think and act as if they’re true!!!
Les Parsons, July 2024.
The Fight-or-Flight Response: How Our Brain Reacts to Threats
The brain is a complex organ that regulates many aspects of our physical and psychological well-being. It constantly processes information from our senses and the environment, and responds accordingly. However, when the brain perceives something as a potential threat, it activates a system that prepares us to stay and deal with the danger or run away to safety.
The Ancient Survival Mechanism
The term fight-or-flight comes from our ancient ancestors when they were faced with danger and had to choose; either fight or flee.
The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to the physiological reaction that occurs when we encounter something mentally or physically terrifying. Imagine facing a wild animal or an imminent danger – your body gears up for action.
Three Stages of Fight-or-Flight:
You are probably already aware of the phrase Fight-or-Flight but there are 3 other survival reactions when we feel threatened, Freeze, Flop and Friend which make up our defensive fear responses – also known as the five F’s.
When faced with danger each of the five F’s has its own hope for a possible outcome, that is to stay alive and depending on the nature of the situation, each of these defences reduce our being a threat to our attacker.
Our active defences are to;
Our passive defences are to;
In the modern world, that same mechanism can sometimes be triggered by everyday stressors or imagined threats. But understanding its origins can empower us to manage it more effectively. So, next time fear creeps in, take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and remember that your brain is doing its ancient job!
There are so many counsellors offering a vast range of different therapies and approaches that it’s hard to know how to make the right choice, but it is so important that we do.
Finding the right counsellor, one who you can connect and feel safe with is important. Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and growth, but only if you have a competent and trustworthy professional by your side. It can be difficult when we are feeling vulnerable and in need of help, to be confident enough to choose someone.
At Personal and Relationship Counselling (PRC) in Plymouth we offer a free 15-minute telephone consultation prior to booking a first appointment. Recommendations are good, but if you don’t have one, a telephone conversation can help and don’t be afraid to say ‘no thank you’, a good counsellor will be understanding – read about our counsellors on ‘Our Therapists’ page.
You can be assured that each counsellor has been handpicked, chosen for their competency and professionalism, empathy and compassion. We’ve checked their qualifications and experience, making sure that all are on the BACP Register of Counsellors and Psychotherapists or an equivalent professional body.
We offer a range of approaches and techniques to suit individual needs and find the fit that’s right for you. If we can’t meet your requirements, we will make recommendations of other trusted local Plymouth counsellors.
Here are some skills, traits and professional behaviours to look out for in your counsellor.
Good Counselling Skills:
Maintaining Professional & Ethical standards:
Trust your instincts: Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe with your therapist, it’s important to find someone else, someone you can connect with. If you do notice any of the red flags and warning signs it’s time to look for a new therapist.
If you have any concerns, please feel free to contact us Plymouth Counselling (PRC).
Are you a member of the armed forces, emergency services, NHS nurse or doctor, HM prison service feeling the weight of stress? You’re not alone. Plymouth is home to many heroes who dedicate themselves to keeping us safe and healthy. But even the strongest of us need support sometimes.
At PRC counselling practice on the Barbican in Plymouth, we specialise in providing confidential counselling and psychotherapy services tailored to the unique needs of service personnel and healthcare professionals. We understand the challenges you face, from the pressures of deployment to the emotional toll of daily emergencies.
Our experienced accredited therapists can help you with a variety of issues, including:
We offer a safe and supportive space for you to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. We believe that everyone deserves to feel well, and we’re here to help support you in addressing your emotional wellbeing.
Here’s what sets us apart:
Don’t wait until you’re struggling to cope. Take the first step towards feeling better today with help from a counsellor or therapist at Plymouth Counselling.
Contact us for a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your needs.