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Communication and Reconnection

Sometimes we talk, but don’t really hear each other. Over time, that can leave us feeling distant or misunderstood.
Counselling can be a space to pause, slow down, and find better ways of listening and responding. Even small shifts in communication can bring back trust, closeness, and connection.
📍We’re based locally in Looe Street, Plymouth, where you can chat to us in person, when you feel the time is right for you.
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When physical desires don’t match.

What happens when one partner sees physical intimacy as essential and the other doesn’t?
It can lead to frustration, pressure, or even looking outside the relationship. The truth is, it’s rarely about who’s “right” or “wrong” it’s about needs not being heard.
Counselling offers a space to talk openly about desire, boundaries and connection without blame.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone and support is available.
📍 Personal & Relationship Counselling Plymouth
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Nature Walks: A Simple Stress-Relief Tip

Stepping outside, even for a short walk in nature is one of the easiest ways to help your mind calm down. Studies show that spending just 20 minutes connecting with nature can lower cortisol.
Of course, walking doesn’t have to be long or strenuous. A gentle stroll along the coast, through a green park, or up a wooded path can help you reset, shift perspective and reduce tension.
📍 Plymouth’s surroundings (from the coast to Dartmoor) are perfect for this kind of breathing space.
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Guided by the BACP Ethical Framework

We work within the BACP Ethical Framework, which sets the professional standards for counsellors across the UK.
It shapes everything we do, from how we protect your privacy to how we make ethical decisions and continue our professional development.
It’s our way of ensuring every session is grounded in safety, respect and integrity.
If you’re interested in how the framework applies to our practice, you can read more here:
📍 Personal & Relationship Counselling Plymouth
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How to Improve Communication in a Relationship

Effective communication is the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship — but it’s often one of the first things to break down when couples feel disconnected. At our Plymouth-based counselling practice, we help couples across Devon and Cornwall navigate communication issues with empathy and clarity.

  • Understand Your Communication Style; Everyone brings different habits, expectations, and patterns into relationships. Identifying whether you lean toward passive, assertive, or avoidant communication can help you notice what’s working — and what’s not.
  • Listen to Understand, Not to Respond; Too often, we prepare our reply before truly hearing what our partner is saying. Active listening means setting aside defensiveness and focusing on your partner’s message and emotions.
  • Express Yourself Honestly and Calmly; Healthy communication involves speaking your truth without blame. Use “I” statements to share how you feel — for example, “I feel unheard when…” instead of “You never listen.”
  • Make Space for Regular Check-ins; Daily life can crowd out meaningful connection. Creating space for open conversations — even just 10 minutes a day — helps strengthen emotional intimacy.
  • Consider Couples Counselling for Support; If communication issues persist, professional support can make all the difference. Our couples counselling in Plymouth offers a safe, supportive space to improve understanding and rebuild connection.

Improving communication in a relationship is a journey — and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re navigating a rough patch or simply want to deepen your connection, we’re here to help.

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Attachment theory can help us in our relationship

Attachment theory helps us to understand our partner’s behaviour better and explains how early life interactions can shape our current relationships. The emotional bonds we form as children can have significant impact upon how we relate to each other, especially in our romantic relationships.

Attachment theory suggests we develop attachment styles – the emotional bonds formed between a child and its parents/caregivers – which will be replayed later in life, in our intimate relationships.

There are predominantly three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.

Secure attachment: If we are lucky enough to have formed secure attachments in childhood, then we are likely to be confident in building trusting relationships, feel lovable and are more able to offer and receive love and compassion.

Anxious attachments: a sense of unpredictability during our childhood can leave us craving closeness and reassurance, often leading to difficulties in relationships. The fear of being left alone, or being criticised, can mean we become preoccupied with our partners whereabouts and feel the need to please them, so they don’t leave us.

Avoidant attachment: neglectful or preoccupied parents can often leave us with a sense of not being important to others. We can respond by dismissing our needs and putting others first, denying our relational needs and putting a focus on self-reliance. We fear being vulnerable and relying upon anyone else.

If you have a secure attachment style, you are more comfortable with intimacy and can establish close stable relationships.  If you’ve had an anxious attachment in childhood, you’re more likely to be clingy, jealous and possibly controlling. Avoidant individuals aren’t comfortable with being emotionally close, they don’t like sharing their thoughts or feelings and find it difficult to rely on anyone.

I hope you find this helpful, and as you can see, being aware of these traits can be useful when considering why we might be struggling in our relationships. 

The counsellors at Personal and Relationship Counselling in Plymouth have a professional understanding of Attachment Theory and how helpful it is in resolving relationship difficulties.

If you would like to contact us to make an appointment, we have an online diary so you can find a convenient time to book an appointment, you can also read about our therapists on the website, so you can choose someone that you feel will be the most helpful.

Nigel Summerton

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Hidden Stories

In this book, “The Myth of Normal”, Gabor Maté suggests that there are often “hidden stories” behind our difficulty or inability to say no. And he suggests that they come from ” limiting core beliefs about ourselves”, what transactional analysts call “Scripts” we learn in childhood, and live out afterwards. He suggests that the following are examples of familiar stories;

  1. Saying no means I can’t handle something. It’s a sign of weakness. I have to be strong.
  2. I have to be “good” to deserve being loved. If I say no, I’m not lovable.
  3. I’m responsible for how other people feel & what they experience. I mustn’t disappoint anyone.
  4. I’m not worthy unless I’m doing something useful.
  5. If people knew how I really felt, they wouldn’t like me.
  6. If I turned down my friend / spouse / colleague / parent / neighbour, I would feel deservedly guilty.
  7. It’s selfish to say no.
  8. It’s not loving to have anger.

Maybe we forget that they are only stories – we think and act as if they’re true!!!

Les Parsons, July 2024.

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Fight-or-flight; our body’s automatic reaction to stress or danger

The Fight-or-Flight Response: How Our Brain Reacts to Threats

The brain is a complex organ that regulates many aspects of our physical and psychological well-being. It constantly processes information from our senses and the environment, and responds accordingly. However, when the brain perceives something as a potential threat, it activates a system that prepares us to stay and deal with the danger or run away to safety.

The Ancient Survival Mechanism

The term fight-or-flight comes from our ancient ancestors when they were faced with danger and had to choose; either fight or flee.

The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to the physiological reaction that occurs when we encounter something mentally or physically terrifying. Imagine facing a wild animal or an imminent danger – your body gears up for action.

Three Stages of Fight-or-Flight:

  1. Alarm Stage: During this stage, the central nervous system ramps up, preparing your body to fight or flee. The sympathetic nervous system activates, leading to increased heart rate, your blood pressure rises and breathing rate increases and becomes shallow. Hormones like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol flood your system.
  2. Resistance Stage: Your body attempts to normalise and recover from the initial elevated fight-or-flight response – this happens in 3/1000 of a second in perceiving the threat, and we decide whether to confront the danger, freeze or flee. These changes to our body help us act appropriately and rapidly, usually, our body will return to its natural state after 20 to 60 minutes after the perceived threat has gone.
  3. Exhaustion Stage: If these stages occur repeatedly over time and there is a prolonged sense of danger you will experience ongoing stress and anxiety and risk developing physical and mental health problems.

You are probably already aware of the phrase Fight-or-Flight but there are 3 other survival reactions when we feel threatened, Freeze, Flop and Friend which make up our defensive fear responses – also known as the five F’s.

When faced with danger each of the five F’s has its own hope for a possible outcome, that is to stay alive and depending on the nature of the situation, each of these defences reduce our being a threat to our attacker.

Our active defences are to;

  • Friend – to befriend our attacker in the hope of appeasing the situation
  • Fight – physically and verbally responding to the threat – showing aggression
  • Flight – to run away from the situation

Our passive defences are to;

  • Freeze – in order to avoid detection or you ‘just froze’ and unable to shout or call for help
  • Flop – to flop or feint; to minimise harm when you have no other option (as above) in the hope you will be left alone

In the modern world, that same mechanism can sometimes be triggered by everyday stressors or imagined threats. But understanding its origins can empower us to manage it more effectively. So, next time fear creeps in, take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and remember that your brain is doing its ancient job!

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Is your counsellor a good fit for you?

There are so many counsellors offering a vast range of different therapies and approaches that it’s hard to know how to make the right choice, but it is so important that we do.

Finding the right counsellor, one who you can connect and feel safe with is important. Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and growth, but only if you have a competent and trustworthy professional by your side. It can be difficult when we are feeling vulnerable and in need of help, to be confident enough to choose someone.

At Personal and Relationship Counselling (PRC) in Plymouth we offer a free 15-minute telephone consultation prior to booking a first appointment. Recommendations are good, but if you don’t have one, a telephone conversation can help and don’t be afraid to say ‘no thank you’, a good counsellor will be understanding – read about our counsellors on ‘Our Therapists’ page.

You can be assured that each counsellor has been handpicked, chosen for their competency and professionalism, empathy and compassion. We’ve checked their qualifications and experience, making sure that all are on the BACP Register of Counsellors and Psychotherapists or an equivalent professional body.

We offer a range of approaches and techniques to suit individual needs and find the fit that’s right for you. If we can’t meet your requirements, we will make recommendations of other trusted local Plymouth counsellors.

Here are some skills, traits and professional behaviours to look out for in your counsellor.

Good Counselling Skills:

  • Actively listening:  A good therapist will pay close attention to what you’re saying and ask clarifying questions. If you feel misunderstood or unheard – that’s a problem.
  • Focused attention: Does your therapist seem bored, tired, preoccupied or disengaged. If so, you’re not getting the focused attention you deserve.
  • Addressing Your Specific Concerns: Therapists should and be able to hear your issues and understand the impact they have on you, and tailor appropriate responses to meet your needs. If they seem stuck in one method or aren’t able to manage with your issue – you may need to find a better fit.
  • Non-judgemental:  Therapy needs to be a safe space to explore difficult emotions. If you feel judged or ashamed this isn’t going to help you – indicating it isn’t a good fit.
  • Working together: Therapy should be a collaborative process with your counsellor helping you to explore deeper and stay with the difficult feelings – rather than handing out simplistic, generic advice and platitudes.
  • Making progress: While you might experience some emotional discomfort processing difficult topics, you should generally feel some sense of healing and hope moving forward.

Maintaining Professional & Ethical standards:

  • Keeping to Appointment Times/Scheduling:  Having a regular time for your counselling is helpfulFrequent cancelling or rescheduling of appointments by your therapist shows a lack of respect for your time and can disrupt your progress in therapy.
  • Relevant Advice: Remember that therapists should stay within their area of expertise. If yours is giving medical, legal or financial advice – that’s not OK.
  • Confidentiality: Counsellors are required to keep your information private, with some exceptions. If you feel your therapist might be gossiping about you or sharing details inappropriately, that’s a concern.
  • Respecting Your Boundaries: If your counsellor shares too much personal information about themselves, pressures you to socialise outside of sessions, asks you for gifts or personal favours or makes unwanted physical contact – that’s a red flag.

Trust your instincts: Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t right. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe with your therapist, it’s important to find someone else, someone you can connect with.  If you do notice any of the red flags and warning signs it’s time to look for a new therapist.

If you have any concerns, please feel free to contact us Plymouth Counselling (PRC).

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Feeling the Strain? Counselling Support in Plymouth for Those Who Serve

Are you a member of the armed forces, emergency services, NHS nurse or doctor, HM prison service feeling the weight of stress? You’re not alone. Plymouth is home to many heroes who dedicate themselves to keeping us safe and healthy. But even the strongest of us need support sometimes.

At PRC counselling practice on the Barbican in Plymouth, we specialise in providing confidential counselling and psychotherapy services tailored to the unique needs of service personnel and healthcare professionals. We understand the challenges you face, from the pressures of deployment to the emotional toll of daily emergencies.

Our experienced accredited therapists can help you with a variety of issues, including:

  • Stress and anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • Depression
  • Relationship problems
  • Work-life balance
  • Moral injury

We offer a safe and supportive space for you to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. We believe that everyone deserves to feel well, and we’re here to help support you in addressing your emotional wellbeing.

Here’s what sets us apart:

  • We understand your world. Our therapists have experience working with service personnel and healthcare professionals, and they are familiar with the specific challenges you face, both Steve and Nigel served in the armed forces.
  • We offer flexible appointments. We know that your schedule can be demanding, so we offer appointments at your convenience.
  • We are confidential. Everything you discuss in therapy will be kept confidential, except in limited circumstances where the law requires us to disclose information.

Don’t wait until you’re struggling to cope. Take the first step towards feeling better today with help from a counsellor or therapist at Plymouth Counselling.

Contact us for a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your needs.